my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
