I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
