how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
