Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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