at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
