apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
