she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
