We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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