we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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