i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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