I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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