how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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