UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
