My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
is that a dick in a sweater?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
