I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
