If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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