Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
