Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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