I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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