She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
