2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
