OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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