No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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