Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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