you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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