Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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