I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
