do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
