after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
