dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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