If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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