I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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