Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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