i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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