Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So vagazzling was a success
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