I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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