she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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