Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When are your genitals available?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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