i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
