@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
