I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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