Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
