ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
