I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Randomize
