Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize