you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
