Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
