i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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