There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
