Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
