why didn't you poke me back
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
