when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
