This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
