I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
