i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
