you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
