we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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