this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
