she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
