You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
