we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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