you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
