I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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