the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
bring money and cleavage
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
