I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
