its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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