I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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