Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
either way he was missing a nipple.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
